Almost Christmas

people say this everywhere. i hope our office will realize this.
well, I'm blessed that my friends and family are always at my back for support. the end-of-the-year reports are so deadly.

Dear Lord, I pray for courage and knowledge to finish all these. Thank you.

An ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness.

I think I'm beginning to drop that statement. :'(

in tears

i'm not feeling very happy right now; actually, I'm shedding a lot of tears at the moment. i am so frustrated with the things happening at work and i believe i would feel better after crying. huh! i wish this is over. Lord, please equip me and give me peace. I pray for help with all my heart, Jesus. Amen.

zeitgeis

German word, technical term used in Planning
literal meaning: "zeit = time; geis = spirit"

I attended a lecture on planning today conducted by a German Professor Mattens (?).
It means combination of technical, practical factors combined with the social aspect or human feeling (in other words). Experience taught the Germans that it's vitally important to consider and establish participation and commitment from the people benefiting in order to ensure the continuous success of any project. Hmm, that's what we have been doing all along in public administration. A more familiar term is People's Involvement or People's participation. In public administration, stakeholder analysis is very important.

zeitgeis, as I got it, refers to an overall consideration and weighing of stakeholders in order to achieve a better planning output.

Goodbye, Pete! :'(

February 2004-November 27, 2006

Last Sunday, something terrible happened at home. Our dog, Charlie, bit our pet duck, Pete. I think it was really bad; Pete was so traumatized. He jumped off the creek and we only managed to catch him with a big net dipper. After he was saved, he ran off the yard and would not let anyone come near him.

I had to go to Manila that night, so I did not see Pete before I left. Last night, my sister told me that Pete cannot be located. They were searching all over and could not find him. My brother was out late in the dark to look for him. I felt really bad. I was so worried something worse had happened. Could not help but cry. This morning, she said they found Pete—dead.

This was really an accident; Pete should've not gotten near Charlie. The dog does not know him; we did not raise Charlie, so he's not familiar with the other pets. Charlie hates our cats, chickens, and of course, our duck. It has been a culture in the family that all pets know each other--by this I mean, they live in harmony. Our dogs naturally won't mind sharing its food with the cats, neither with the chickens nor a duck. The history is, Pete grew up living with our old dog Bunso. They were best buddies. Unfortunately, Bunso got sick and died. Pete thought he could befriend Charlie, perhaps because he's a dog, but that's impossibility. Since the day Charlie came, Pete always comes near him. Alas, Charlie was negative. We tried to bar Pete from getting near, but Pete would always find ways. And Sunday was the day I feared the most for Pete.

I named him Pete because he has three flipped feathers on his head like that of Peter Pan. It is so cute. Pete likes to play with everybody; tag game is his favorite. He is also very naughty; when you're not looking, be ready for a mischievous bite from this stubborn duck. At times, he terrifies children! Funny! We all love Pete.

Pete has been with the family for more than two years and had his fair share of fame from the pet lineup. He's what was left of the 15 male ducklings my father tried to raise for past time. He's certainly one unique duck who thinks he's a dog! He even sleeps at the doorsteps. So stubborn yet so cute. What I like about him the most is his ability to respond. Pete is very smart. He knows his name. Whenever he hears you call him, even if he's somewhere else, he will certainly respond with a "Quack!" and then tries his best to get to you in a flash! He's really adorable!

I told the sad news to my other brother who's away. He was so depressed; same with everybody in the family. I could imagine how sad my nieces will be when they get the message. My younger brother and sister recorded the burial rites; the other pets were there, too. My father orchestrated the event. I'm going home tonight to know the details.

I really feel sorry about this loss. It reminds me of losing my cat, Musang. So sad. We will miss you Pete. Goodbye.

back to office

we have just arrived from another training we conducted today. it was tiring but a lot easier today than the previous ones that we had. As always, I led the invocation. I got a tap on the shoulder form our Dean, saying that was a beautiful prayer. Thanks! I just made sure that as I pray, I communicated with God. Praise to the Lord.

We have so much to do until the end of the month. I'm working on the terminal report for the national congress i did last month. hey, this one's tough. I'll be submitting the report to the funding agencies and it has to be neat. Also, I'm still working on the Policy Reform Agenda Brief (PRAB) on Indigenous Peoples. This is actually the cause of my headache. i pray that the Lord would grant me enough knowledge and perseverance to finish this paper. I wish to finish it today. And also, right now I'm working on the documentation of the training/workshop we juat had. Pwew! Talk about report writing.

Next month, I believe our calendar's a lot freer. Most of our schedules has been moved in January. Hallelujah! Maybe we'll have our Bangkok trip pushed through come December. It's almost two years delayed. I want to keep my fingers cross for that.

Oh, Happy Thanksgiving to my friends out there!

bad dreams

I had another nightmare last night. It was almost 2am when I went to bed. I’m working on several papers that need to be finished; brought home a load of readings. I finally declared I have to retire from the readings; I took my Bible for the scriptures. After a short prayer, I turned off the lights and head to my pillows. The moment I closed my eyes, there’s like a surge of electricity that ran into my body, I felt numb and could hardly move. My mind was awake but I have no control over my body. Then, I heard familiar voices but this time they were speaking quite weird things and laughing hard at my ear like the ones we hear in horror films. It’s happening again. I had the same experience before. It felt like my jaw was locked I couldn’t speak. I was praying in my mind and called on the name of the Lord. I finally was able to say “Jesus”. I thought my roommates heard me but they were sound asleep. Each time I close my eyes, that numbness happens. So I said, Lord, I’m tired. I really want to go to sleep. I turned on the lights and finally found a good night sleep. Thank God.

The Embassy experience

We went early (before 10am) to come ahead of our 1:15 interview at the US Embassy in Manila. We had not met the officer until 3:45 pm.

So much for the much-anticipated interview at the embassy.

We are confident with the scheduled interview since everything we have is TRUTH. Anyhow, the Lord was very gracious to spare us from the possibility of error (due to jitters) during the interview. To our surprise, the embassy officer readily approved our application; He did not even care to see our other documents. The officer had no plan on seeing us one by one as well. Pastor Mark insisted. The officer barely said, “Hello” and that was it. With me, we had a very short talk:

Officer: Hello.
Me: Hello, Sir.
Officer: So, you are one of the performing artists?
Me: No, Sir. I’m the editor of Branded by Fire, the MYF Newsletter. I’m also one of the core leaders of MYF.
Officer: Oh! Thank you.
Me: Thank you, Sir.

That’s it. The shortest interview I ever had in my life. Afterwards, we were told to retrieve our passports with visa. Haha!

I'm pretty sure there's divine intervention right there!

Happy!

Blessed!

And the Lord's hand was before us; we found favor in the eyes of the embassy officer. We got our visas!

Thank you Lord. And thanks to all who prayed for us. This is the second miracle for this trip-to-US saga. The first is Bayside Church's invitation; next is the US visa approval; and we're praying for the third miracle: God's provision for the airfare.

We have a big God. He gave us two miracles in a row, i know He'll provide the third one. Amen!

Tomorrow's the interview for our visa application. help us in prayer. thanks.

The Lord's reply

credits: www.heartlight.org

Last night, the Lord once again showed me His abounding mercy and grace.

I called home to check how they are doing. At the back of my mind I'm still struggling with the idea that I might not send my sister to nursing school this semester. You see, I support my siblings' schooling; two in college and one in high school. This semester, I was short in my budget and could not meet this semesters' tuition fee for my sister. I really don't know what to do. I just prayed and left it to God.

And so, my sister told me a lot of happy things. It was great to hear them. Then I asked, "What if you only have this much, could you still enroll?" She replied, "Don't worry about me, Ate, on Friday I will enroll. God provides."

I couldn't contain myself. Tears of joy instantly rolled down my cheeks. Just when I badly needed the Lord's grace, He sustains. Praise God!

And all praise and thanks is to you Lord, my Faithful Provider and loving Father.

Interview Schedule

Finally, we are scheduled for an interview at the US Embassy in Manila on November 14. Please pray that our visas get approved. This is our major step to be able to attend the Thrive 2007 Conference in California.

Thanks a lot!

God bless!

antok na antok ako ngayon..haayy...

Success!

It should be worthy to say here that after the long preparation, hard work, heartaches, stress, and plain busyness, the Congress finally closed as a huge success! Everybody was commending us with the outcome of the event. Praise God! I remember, a week before the Congress, I almost quit my job! That moment was just overwhelming it felt like I'm going to explode. Thank God for making me calm amidst all troubles.

I just want to say thanks to everyone who helped me get through this Congress. To all the prayers and support: Thank you! I feel like a better person today.

Anyway, life goes on. Right now, I'm working on another big project--bigger than the Congress. This time, my participants will come from all over the Asia Pacific, A Regional Conference of Academes. Pwew! Makes me think the Congress was just a guinea pig. We'll see.

I better eat a lot now.

Please pray for me.

Tomorrow is the start of our Congress--my big day! Pray that everything goes well. Thank you for all the support.

curly len?!

yup, i did it. went to the parlor last saturday and curled my hair. Xp

the congress is just a few days ahead...

time out

Yesterday, I almost quit my job. I was so pissed off by the way things are going and almost decided to quit. I’m glad to have reminded my self that decisions made while on the peak of strong emotions are usually irrational. Huh! I almost gave in!

Guess I have some room here to discuss. Well, it all boils down to the tiresome preparation for the Congress. I’ve been doing everything for the last how many months and somehow it has taken a great deal of my life. It was tough, but still manageable. As the big day approaches, the more sedulous the tasks have become. Tired. Stressed. Frustrated. Depressed. That’s been me lately.

The other day, I was preparing everything needed for the orientation of our Convenors and facilitators for the Congress workshop. I had very little time to complete them but still I finished. I’ve been coming early to and leaving late from work to get all things done. And yesterday, I was there very early to check on everything and finish whatever’s left to do. To my surprise, while I was working on a document they handed to me the very last minute, my boss noticed that the margin of the other materials was too small to be clipped. OMG, The MARGIN! Just the margin which no one will ever pay attention to. I felt so frustrated hearing that as my concern was the content of the material and the completeness of all the documents. The margin really didn’t matter to her before but for whatever was with her that time, she clamored about the margin. She did not even warn me that we have to clip them together in the first place. That was too much for me. Felt it was so unfair. As if my effort and hard work was gone to waste just because of wrong margin. If I had not controlled myself; I could have resigned that instant.

But God is good. After lunch, everything was well again. Goodness. And I was able to wear that smile. Honestly, I almost forgot all about the margin until I got home.

You may think that I should really find another job. I thought about it even before this Congress thing came up and realized that I really like being part of the Center, being a researcher, a part of the university, helping my country in our modest way. It’s tiring and requires a lot of effort, but somehow I love it. Perhaps what’s causing me this stress is the bulk of work and the pressure that comes with it, or at times, my colleagues, but I shouldn’t concentrate my eyes on the hurdles. A friend told me that what matters most is if it satisfies what you really want. There’s a part of me that agrees. I believe I should really agree. I just have to keep my self compose until this project is over and I know things will be alright soon. Just a few days left. I hope you add me in your prayers, too. Thanks.

My medicine

This morning, I have requested a friend to pray for me as I'm having troubles with my system. He sent me a few prescription from the Our Doctor. I find it very effective. You may want to try them. Here's the prescription:

Proverbs 4:22
Jeremiah 17:14
Psalms 103: 1-5
Isaiah 53:4-5
1 Peter 2:24
Isaiah 40:30-31
Proverbs 18:21.

God bless!

Comfort.

I dreamt of my mother last night. It was so clear, I thought it was real. We were together eating banana. She ate hers without peeling it; happily taking a mouthful in every bite. I enjoyed watching her eat and did the same with mine. Together, we ate happily and contented.

I saw her eyes looking straight at me. I felt so much comfort in them. It was a long time since I had such carefree feeling; right there beside her, I didn’t mind the world around us. We were not talking; just eating side by side. I was plainly happy eating my banana the weird way with my mom.

Then I woke up. I was disappointed to find myself in our room until it dawned to me that it was just a dream. I wanted to go back to dreaming; to be with my mother again. To feel so much care and comfort. To feel satisfied and content.

I am so depressed lately. Tired at work, busy with all things, and pressured at home. The last time I was in the pit of deep loneliness I also dreamt of my mom. I guess subconsciously, my brain is reciprocating my need—comfort. Honestly, it makes me cry thinking about this silly dream.

The dream was really weird besides eating the banana with its skin. First, my mom’s no longer around. It’s been more than four and a half years since she passed away. Still, there’s never a day I did not think of her. Second, I don’t eat banana. It makes my stomach sick. I guess what the dream is telling me is that even in the weirdest situation, I can still find comfort.

I read the Lord’s word today and found a verse in Psalms, “I will be with you until your hair turns gray…” Thank you Lord. I know He made me dream of my mom to give a timeout from all the stress of the world. And His promise never fails. The Lord is with me.

Prayer Request

As I've said, I'm really busy right now --at work, in church, and even at home. Please pray for me. I'm having a hard time breathing lately--like catching my breath all the time. There's something heavy in my chest. I guess it's mainly my being busy and tired; I know things will be a lot better after the Congress. I jut need enough strength to finish all these. Thanks!